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30
Oct/09
29

Umineko no Hollywood Koro ni

Posted by: Shin

Disclaimer

Most of these were not done by me, but because it was missing key cast members anyway, I had to include some original works of my own, with at least one of the original poster(henceforth known as OP)'s designs given a revamp. With that out of the way, enjoy Umineko no Naku Koro ni as seen through the eyes of a greedy Hollywood executive!

Ushiromiya Kinzo

Japan's infatuation with Sean Connery never ceases to amaze me. From Tekken's Heihachi to Metal Gear Solid's Big Boss, some of videogame's most famous characters were quite evidently modeled after Mr. Connery himself. Still, I see more of Jack Nicholson's psychopathy in Kinzo, but the likeliness is uncanny.

Ushiromiya Krauss

While Jude Law is certainly talented enough to warrant a role in the live action adaptation(!), I just can't picture him playing the first in line to the Ushiromiya throne, simply because he's just not at that age just yet. If we were talking about Rudolf, on the other hand...

Ushiromiya Natsuhi

I have no clue as to who this actress is supposed to be, but as you will notice down the family tree, the general idea is to work on a minute resemblance no matter how obscure to achieve the final look. I'm guessing it's because of the hair?

Ushiromiya Eva

How I missed you, Sarah Michelle Gellar! The last time I saw her was in the Scooby Doo movie, which, you must admit it, does share similarities with Umineko - The part where they must invalidate the supernatural and in turn use evidence to proof that the perpetrator is human :lol: That similarity ends there.

Ushiromiya Hideyoshi

Out of all the adults, I probably like Hideyoshi best, because he comes across as the most genuine. He doesn't seem to be all that keen on getting his hands on the gold and is only there to fulfill the wishes of his dear wife. Also, his thick Kansai accent makes him a rather endearing and down to earth fellow. The same can hardly be said about Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi's disposition, but I guess they both look alike in some way or another.

Ushiromiya Rudolf

By virtue of being the youngest son in a prestigious family like the Ushiromiyas, Rudolf is no doubt the most ambitious of them all and has a lot to prove, stopping at nothing to achieve his goals. Or at least that's what I think the OP had in mind when he modeled Rudolf after Bruce Wayne Christian Bale.

Ushiromiya Kyrie

The first of the "missing Ushiromiyas", as I will refer to those I do not have in my possession, Kyrie's lack of presence until the most recent arc probably led to why she was left out. With that in mind, it was somewhat difficult for me to find someone who could fill Kyrie's shoes, due to her physical appearance and choice of wardrobe. I finally decided on Ellen Degeneres because she looks at home with that pantsuit and hairstyle :lol:

Ushiromiya Rosa

The OP hit the bullseye with Rosa. Ali Larter has proven herself, as far as her role as Niki Sanders in Heroes is concerned, capable of playing a doting(?) mother who would not hesitate to be ruthless to those that pose a threat to her or her closest of kin, in which case are their respective children. It also helps that both characters have that milf appeal :lol:

Ushiromiya George

Can't say I approve of OP's choice of casting Keanu Reeves as George, but given the fact the latter doesn't do much in the series anyway, the act of being forgettable is something Keanu Reeves could manage with aplomb :lol:

Ushiromiya Jessica

Once again, a face that's not in any way familiar. A bit too mature looking to play Jessica.

Ushiromiya Battler

The original Battler designed for the set was a rather shoddy piece of work, hence why I saw the need for a revision. I initially wanted to cast Zac Efron simply because, but I found Twilight's male lead, Robert Pattinson, to be better choice in the end, since he has sort exude that rebellious aura; This is also to make the fangirls happy :lol: Props to sagematt for ID'ing Robert Pattinson on the original.

Ushiromiya Ange

No comments on Ange, since she's yet to actually make an appearance in the anime(when this post was being done), and yet again, I have not the faintest idea as to who this actress is supposed to be.

Ushiromiya Maria

Spooky lolis are a dime a dozen, but to be Maria, you're going to have to take it one step further by breaking into hysteria at the drop of the hat, something to which I feel no Hollywood child actress is quite capable of pulling off. Sorry, Dakota Fanning!

Genji Ronoue

The only reasoning I can see behind casting Jason Statham is that he is someone who can get just about anything done, no questions asked. That was probably what Genji was like in his younger days as well, so I suppose he makes a good choice, even if it's a few decades too soon.

Terumasa Nanjo

Even by real life standards, Doctor Nanjo's a rather generic old guy whom you'd expect to be the doctor, which applies to the actor in question, since he doesn't ring a bell.

Toshiro Gohda

I just don't see Mel Gibson playing Gohda, when you consider the fact the latter's only there to be sacrificed, and I suppose the OP was scrapping the barrel by now.

Chiyo Kumasawa

This poor old lady never seems to last more than a couple of minutes every time she shows up, although I did almost shit bricks when she transformed into Virgilia. I know I've seen this actress somewhere, but my memory is failing me at the moment :oops:

Shannon

Don't know this actress, and there are certainly other better choices out there, but this was part of the set and I didn't really see any need to make amendments since it was relatively well done.

Kanon

The second missing Ushiromiya, Kanon proved difficult, since he is very androgynous, a criteria that few western actors possessed. I personally went for Tobey Maguire due to his boyish good looks :razz: and the fact he so coincidentally made an identical pose as game Kanon :roll:

Beatrice

The star of the show. I can think of many other actresses who are able to better play Beatrice than Natalie Portman, but this was so well done I just didn't feel like doing so. There is an alternate version with Emma Watson filling the spot, but it just didn't feel right.

Bernkastel

Bernkastel was sadly absent from my folder so I had to once again take it upon myself to cast an actress to fill those shoes, which proved to be a greater hassle than adult ones. Adair Tishler, who, some of you may remember from Heroes as the human global position system, Molly, became my choice, since both the latter and Bernkastel possess supernatural abilities and are pivotal to the story because of it(kinda). Also, that blank look :swt:

Lambdadelta

The Dakota Fanning I prefer! While I suppose she could play Lambdadelta is she wanted, I don't know enough about the former, due to her relatively brief appearances in the anime.

Virgilia

Allow me to say that DEEN's Virgilia looks rather fetching in that screenshot, and Catherine Zeta Jones is no stranger to play the roles of elegant women such as the former. They're both at about the right age, in terms of physical appearances anyway, so this is a definite clincher on OP's part.

Ronove

I wouldn't cast anyone else but Antonio Banderas to play the fabulous Ronove, although Johnny Depp comes close. Maybe it's just me, but Ronove's debonair personality can definitely be attributed to that Latino charm that you wouldn't find in butlers of other ethnicities. OP scores again.

Stakes of Purgatory - Asmodeus, Lucifer, Beelzebub

I am personally not too surprised by this. If you think about, the Stakes have a lot in common with the Charmed Ones, in that they're sisters that possess magical abilities, even if the latter were actually witches rather than the familiars of one :lol:

Eva Beatrice

Because it would be odd if Eva was played by anyone else but herself...

The Goats

This was one tough; Do I let Hollywood take the easy way out and utilize CG for the goats, or perhaps some animatronics is in order? However you look at it, both outcomes would be ridiculous, so I guess I'd go for the latter for the extra creepy factor.

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Comments (29) Trackbacks (0)
  1. Wow, those are pretty funny. I don’t even know many actors/actresses, but it was still funny. Nice job XD

  2. Kumasawa is Dame Maggie Smith, I think.

    Seen her as Professor McGonagall in the HP films?

  3. Haha, I agree, Dakota Fanning would fit the spot for either Maria/ Lambda :wink:

    Nice roster, although I don’t think Hermione would be able to put off a Beatrice-esque acting even if she had a wizard role already. (The picture is also awkward lol)

    It would be funny to see a true murder thriller hollywood version of Umineko though.

  4. Fucking disturbing.

  5. I recognize about three of these actors, including the goat. I really need to watch more movies.

  6. That Emma “Beatrice” Watson looks interessant though.

  7. Wilford Brimley as Nanjo? Oh my.

  8. If they were to make Umineko a live-action I wouldn’t be that against it after seeing this list. A Hollywood movie would suck anyway so the least they could do is get the characters right.

    That goat is as creepy as they can get.
    Catherine Zeta Jones as Virgilia. DO WANT.
    Beatrice doesn’t look that bad either.
    Either Antonio Banderas or Johnny Depp as Ronove would be epic. They look exactly alike! =O
    I cannot agree more with the last statement about Rosa. She’s just that awesome. :cool:

  9. Clearly, Rudolf needs to be Kiefer Sutherland, even though I know why you chose Christian.

    Still “Ore wa Jack Bauer”

  10. The resemblance is uncanny for a lot of them.
    Anyway, real life Maria is not loli enough! Also, love Dakota Fanning. Such a cute real life loli.

  11. Let’s say Umineko is gonna be a hollywood movie with those actors and actresses, let’s just see if YOU’re gonna enjoy it, Shin. Let’s just see..

    Btw, I stopped scrolling when I saw Robert Pattinson in your cast of characters..

  12. OHHHH FUCK RONOVE!!! I came buckets!!!

    And yes, very splendid choice on Dakota Fanning. Delicious.

  13. Looks like this movie will have a lot of ass-kicking involved, especially with Jason Stratham as Genji…

  14. wow that is soo funny!

  15. Natalie Portman as Beatrice is a great choice as far as looks are concerned. But could she pull off Beatrice’s trademark cackle?

  16. Ronove and Rudolf :grin: Brilliant. Keanu Reeves looking a bit Harry Potter though :???:

    These always provide lots of entertainment value :wink:

  17. Aw fuck, not Robert Pattinson. :shock:

  18. lol! nice work on this

  19. It’s a pity that Hollywood doesn’t have this much imagination and creativity in real life. :???: :twisted:

    As for The Goats….I think they should get Dustin Hoffman, Sean Penn, and Robert DeNiro to play them and call it a wrap. :cool:

  20. really funny pictures.
    I think Tobey Maguire is a little grown for Kanon. lol :)

  21. *EFFORT*

    this is full of it
    :lol: :lol: :lol:

  22. George can only be played by Daniel Radcliffe.
    dunno what OP was thinking casting Reeve there

  23. Omfg that Emma Beatrice Watson freaked the shit outta me.

  24. What about Gaap?
    She’s also 1 of the 72 devils, like Ronove

    Also her outfit is HOT.

  25. WTF?? Natalie Portman as Beatrice?? I don’t aprove that, for me Nicole Kidman will be always and forever the most perfect woman for being Beatrice, she is so elegant and malicious just like beato-sama *__*

    And for Ronove?? Johnny Depp of course

  26. these are so cool! XD bookmarking!

  27. Emma Watson for Beatrice! She has that sly grin that says “Problem, Battler?”

    also,

    ahaha.wav
    ahaha.wav
    ahaha.wav

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